Grasping At Impossible
Chapter 12:

The flight back was uneventful. Sookie lay in my arms, spent from the emotions she was dealing with. I didn't blame her for nodding off the moment we got on the plane. Her poor body was going through so many things. First her Gran is terminally ill, and now a person she was close to passed on as well.
From what I saw of her brother, I knew he couldn't be counted on. Her assistant and supposed friend Pam, while she was trying, wasn't completely there for her. No, she needed a man in her life, someone she could lean on, and be supported by. I held her tighter against me, wishing for all the world that I could be that guy. But deep down, I knew I couldn't be.
I really did pick a good one, I mused silently, choosing Sookie to be my conquest.Normally I wouldn't have picked a girl if she was this much of a basket case, but Sookie was different. Being around her when she broke down, while it made me more uncomfortable than I had ever been, I still was happy to be there for her. She needed someone strong in her life, someone that would help her through this. Her words about love to me, while I was sure she was just upset over everything, they still stuck in my mind. Could I love her? I doubted it, and not because she wasn't worthy of love, but because I could never actually give her what she needed. I was sure I was the farthest thing from what she needed, and I was sure she wouldn't appreciate my ways. I wasn't sure I could give up being with women and staying with one altogether. I was not a one-woman man, and that was something she had to realize.
I wasn't a family man. I was a love them and leave them sort of guy. She was my weakness, and was starting to mold into the one thing I swore I would never be. She had dug her claws in me, and made a deep impression. I doubted any woman I became close to in the future would ever come near to what Sookie was to me. I needed her for sure, but not for what I used to want. She was turning into the person I wanted to share things with. Even now I was thinking of the places I wanted to take her when we arrived back in Shreveport. I wanted to take her to sappy plays, and concerts she would scream and be excited over. I wanted to see that side of her, but I knew that if I did I would ultimately screw it up. It would never work, and with the way I was, I seriously doubted me being able to stick to her and only her.
Needless to say, I had a lot of decisions to make once I was alone later. But for now, I held her closer, taking in the scent that was uniquely Sookie, and enjoyed the last few real moments I had with her. I needed to put some space between us, and it would be for the better. I was getting too close, too fast, although she seemed not to catch on.
As the plane touched down I gently shook Sookie, waking her up. She looked up at me sleepily, blinking her eyes, trying to get her bearings. I saw the pain behind them, and wished I could wipe it from her, but I knew it was too soon and I doubted I would ever be that man that got to do that for her.
"We are already here?" she asked sleepily, and I moved a few strands of hair from her face that fell from her ponytail while she was sleeping.
"Yes dear one, we just landed."
The stewardess came over to the hatch and opened the door, fixing the small ladder that would allow us to exit. We walked hand in hand to what looked like a worn out version of Pam. When we got close enough, Sookie let go of my hand and fell into Pam's arms. They both hugged for a while as I texted Laff to come and get me. I doubted they wanted me in the car with them at the time, and I really needed to talk to him. He texted me back he would be here in a few since he lived not far from there.
"Did you see her before..." Pam started, but her voice choked before she could finish.
"I did, and took pictures," she said softly, watching as the stewardess brought over our few pieces of luggage, giving Pam the look over. She ignored her of course, and focused on Sookie.
"I am so sorry I wasn't there to see her, and be there for you," Pam said, holding her closer and wiping away Sookie's tears. I was getting more uncomfortable. If there was one thing I hated it was a crying woman, and two of them were bound to be more trouble.
"Eric was there...he helped me," she said turning towards me, and I took that as my cue to walk over and wrap her in my arms, taking her away from Pam. At first she seemed upset over it, but the tension faded in her. Her consideration for her friend and co-worker was very close, and I was happy Sookie had someone to look out for her like she did.
"That is good," she said as she closed the trunk, causing Sookie to jump. "We better get going before traffic starts."
Sookie looked at me and started to move us to the car when Lafayette's vehicle came around the corner. I was happy he came in when he did, and saw Sookie look up at me with confusion.
"I called him to pick me up so you ladies didn't have to worry about taking me home," I explained, and she took her bottom lip into her mouth. What was she wondering when she did this?
"That is fine," she said. "I need a few days to myself, so I can spend it with Gran."
I nodded, and leaned in to kiss her soft lips. She eagerly accepted and opened her mouth to me, allowing herself the sensual touch I was trying to convey. She was so beautiful and as much as I wanted to keep her, I knew it wasn't possible. I pulled back and kissed each cheek before helping her into the passenger seat, and closed her door. Pam didn't waste any time, taking off like a bat out of hell in the direction of her Gran's home.
I picked up my duffel bag and threw it in the backseat before hopping into the front with Lafayette. He was dressed in a ridiculous outfit of purple and gold, and I was seriously starting to think over my reasons for being seen in public with him. He had his window cracked, smoking a cigar as he pealed out of the parking lot.
"So sugar, how was your trip with miss thang?" he teased, puffing the smoke out the window. I turned to him and made a gagging noise, and he crinkled his nose.
"Why do you smoke those? You know I can't stand them," I said, rolling down my window dramatically, and letting some much needed fresh air in the vehicle.
He rolled his eyes, putting out the cigar in the ashtray. "Stop avoiding my question."
I sighed. "It went well."
"Is that all?" he pressed, and I smirked.
"I got half of what I want, but I am not sure I am going to go through with it," I confided, and his eyes went wide as we stopped at a red light.
"You got to be shitting me. You are in love with her, aren't you?" he asked, and I gave him a withering glare. He laughed out loud before I could protest. "You are. Oh god this is getting good. I can't believe this little girl brought down Eric Northman."
"I am not in love with her," I seethed, trying to keep from smacking him across the face. I was tempted, but I wanted to survive this ride to where ever we were going.
"Sweetie, you may not see it, but I do," he said looking over at me and winking. "She has got her claws in you, you just have yet to realize it."
"Shut the fuck up," I said, getting angrier by the second. He pressed his lips together in amusement while I sat in the seat and crossed my arms. Yes, I did feel for her, but I refused to think of it as something as deep as love. Besides, I needed to let her go, not fall in love with her.
"What are you going to do about her?" Laff asked.
I shook my head, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I wanted to see her again, but was that going to bring me closer to her, to where I wouldn't be able to leave her? Or would I be able to treat her as I could the other countless women that have come into my life, and cast her aside once I had what I wanted? I doubted I would be able to.
"I have no clue Laff," I sighed closing my eyes. "I want her so much, yet I...I can't explain it."
Laff snorted. "You know what to do. You are just afraid." I jerked my head towards him. "I know you are. Admit it. She means more to you now. She isn't just a fuck."
It was true what he was saying. She was so much more to me though I didn't want to admit it. I would cut off my right foot rather than tell her that I wanted to spend time with her for a long time. Thinking about her, I could see us together years from now with a house of our own, her belly swelling with my child. I shook my head to clear the images. No, it couldn't let it get that serious. I would have to stick with my plan.
"She does mean more, though I am not in the position to start that with anyone. You know me Lafayette; I'm not going to be the family man, the man that has a wife and child, a house with a white picket fence. I am better off as a bachelor, no matter how I feel for someone."
We sat in silence after my statement, though I could feel the tension in the car. He wanted to tell me something, wanted to hit me or something, but he didn't, and I wasn't sure if I was okay with that or not. I needed direction in my life and he was always there to smack me when needed. I could always count on him for anything, and vise versa.
We pulled up to my house and he parked the car along the curb, not making any move to get out of the vehicle. "You coming in, Laff?"
He looked over at me, and for the first time in a while he looked overly saddened. Just like the day his father died. "Eric, promise me something." I winced. I really hated promising things, and he knew it. Although I didn't want to, I nodded. "Don't mess this up dude. This is, to me, your only shot at true happiness. If you don't care for her that way, don't keep seeing her." I opened my mouth to say something and he held up his hand. "No, listen to me. She isn't like the others. She is pure and good. Don't ruin her or what you could have with her." For once Lafayette was asking me to promise something over a girl, and that was one place where he would listen but never butt in. He knew I handled ladies differently, ever since grade school.
"I have a lot of thinking to do," was my answer, and though it didn't seem to satisfy him, he nodded.
I grabbed my bag out of the trunk and walked up to my house as I saw his car pull away. The next few days, I would have a lot to think about for sure.
I walked in and saw I had messages waiting for me, and one was from Bill. I listened to it, and he made some sort of comment about the bar in clipped tones. "Fuck!" I remembered I was supposed to meet with Felipe and Victor yesterday. I looked at my watch and noticed it was already half past noon. I ran into the bathroom and quickly washed off, throwing on a fresh pair of jeans and dark blue shirt. Grabbing my leather jacket, car keys, and phone, I ran out the door to my Impala.
I revved the engine, taking a few moments to pat the dashboard, conveying how much I missed her. Yes, I know it's a car, but it's still my baby. When I was about a two lights from the bar, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and was surprised to see a message from Sookie.
Hope you got home ok. Thanks for going with me and helping me ~S
I couldn't stop the flutters that ran through my body from knowing she was still thinking of me. I did, all in all, have a great time with her. She was easy to be around, and we also seemed to enjoy the same things on certain levels. I sent her a text back.
Anytime, my Sookie. I hope to see you soon, how about tomorrow? ~EN
As I sent it, I cursed to myself. I was supposed to think about our...well whatever it was between us. We were dancing on serious ground, at least as far as my side went. She was everything I wanted sure, but I also wouldn't promise or try to give her something I knew I wasn't capable of giving to any woman. My heart, as sappy as it seems, would always be my own. No woman would ever own any part of me, least of all my heart. As I pulled into the parking lot of the bar, she texted me back.
I would like that :) Maybe we can watch a movie and I can make you dinner. Call me when you can ~S
Well, shit. I could have her in my house making me dinner. I had never had anyone in my house before, except for Bill and Lafayette. I wasn't a man that let the women I fucked come to my sanctuary, the one place I have peace of mind and a chance to really be alone. I found it strange that without thinking about it I sent her a text back.
I would love it Sookie. Call you later with my address. Till then dear one, xx~EN
Jesus Fucking Christ. This wasn't going the way I wanted it. I got out of my car and walked into the employee only entrance, trying to sneak in and get to my office before Bill came in. I saw his Volvo outside, and was anticipating hearing him complain to me about leaving our business and meetings behind for some girl.
As I predicted, he walked in not two seconds after I sat behind my desk and turned on my PC. He closed the door behind him and took a seat across from me, waiting for me to speak first.
"Bill," I said, wanting to get this over with. I looked up and instead of looking pissed, he was wearing a smirk on his face. I internally groaned, wondering what was going on in his mind and what questions I would soon be asked.
"How was your...impromptu trip?"
I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair. "It went rather well, considering we went there pretty much to take pictures of a woman dying."
Bill's smirk left his face, and he looked at me with concern. "Sookie didn't take it well then."
I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what his mind was doing on her. "Why are you thinking of my Sookie when you have your woman here?"
Bill snorted, and waved his hand. "I was merely concerned is all. Lafayette said her grandmother was dying. Was she close to the woman in Brazil as well?"
I nodded while bringing up my email account on the screen. "She was. It was hard for her, but she is doing better now."
"I see..." he said, regarding me for a moment, looking closer than usual. If he wasn't my cousin and I knew he was into women, I would have thrown him out for looking at me so long.
"What is it?" I snapped, and he smiled wryly.
"Are you seeing her again?"
What was he getting at? "Yes, I am."
"That is good," he said, standing and walking towards the door, "good for you. Oh and Eric," he turned before walking out, "don't screw it up." He closed the door behind him before I could answer him.
"What the fuck is with everyone saying that?" I mumbled to myself, while clicking through the many emails and invoices I had to approve. Two hours later, all the work was complete, the outgoing mail was sitting in the box, and I was ready to go out into the bar and make my much-needed appearance for the night.
I knew most of these women came here not for an overly priced drink, but to see me, hoping I would give them a second glance, wishing I would pay more than the usual attention. I knew without a doubt, as I walked over to my reserved booth, that's what they all were thinking. I could hear a hush of silence form as I took my seat and told the waitress to bring me a double shot of crown and coke, watching and waiting for me to make the first move.
Little did they know, the only person I wanted at that moment wasn't there, but was texting me on my phone. I took it out of my pocket and smiled as I felt the women surrounding me stare on.
Sounds great. Talk to you then ~S
I snapped my phone shut, taking that moment to look up as the waitress brought me my drink. She set the drink on a napkin before brushing her fingers over the back of my hand. I remembered her from when I first hired her about three months ago. I fucked her, like I did most of the new employees, at least four times, but never more. At least I couldn't remember that I did.
"Is there anything I can help you with tonight, boss?" she asked, her voice dripping with sex. While I couldn't deny I wanted and needed a release, it wasn't her I was craving to be buried in.
"No, the drink will do," I answered, waiting for her to retreat back tot he bar. Instead she tried to seduce me once again by jutting her chest forward, showing me her double D cup implants, hoping I would change my mind.
"Are you sure, Eric? I am all about teamwork."
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink, enjoying the slow burn that came as the liquid moved down my throat. "Leave, and stop wasting my time."
Dejected, she walked back to the bar and ignored me for the next half hour. It wasn't a major loss to me, and I was all the more happy for her to pay no attention to me. In fact, after my open refusal of her all the other women stayed back, not bothering to try for my attention. I made a mental note to remember to put down someone's advances early in the night, then I might not have to suffer through so many heated glares from these pathetic women.
By my second drink I was surprised to find myself openly thinking about Sookie, how much I was missing her. I shook my head, four days alone with her in Brazil and a week of knowing her, and I was missing her smile and her voice. I was falling for her and although I was scared shitless and desperately didn't want to, I was welcoming it. Lafayette was right, as much as I hate to admit it. I couldn't fuck this up, not with Sookie.
I flipped open my phone and dialed her number once I was in my Impala, ready to leave the bar for the evening. I wanted to get home and in bed, where I could do my majority of thinking about her. For once, I was wanting to spend time thinking of a woman rather than run my business.
"Hello?" the voice answered, and although it sounded sleepy, it was heavenly to listen to.
"Hello my sweet Sookie. It's your Eric," I replied smugly.
"My Eric? I like the sound of that," she teased lightly and I smiled to myself as I imagined her chuckling while biting her bottom lip.
"I thought you might," I said. "I wanted to give you my address again, in case you forgot it." I remembered giving it to her a few days ago so she could pick me up, but wasn't sure if she wrote it down or not.
"I still have it, but thanks."
"Is there anything I need to pick up from the store..."
"Oh no! I already know what I am making you. I'm cooking it before I come over, so I won't make a mess at your place."
I pulled up into my drive and parked the car in the garage, turning off the ignition. "Don't be silly Sookie. Come over and cook. You are always welcome in my home."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "I don't want to intrude..."
I unlocked my door and walked into the house, setting the security alarm behind me. "I'm sure. What time can I expect you?"
"Sometime around noon. It will take a few hours to cook."
I shucked out of my shoes and socks and fell back on the soft mattress, placing an arm behind my head. "Sounds good beautiful, I look forward to seeing you."
She let out a breathy sigh. "I miss you, Eric," she whispered softly.
"And I you, dear one," I admitted, closing my eyes while listening to her breathing speed up. "Have dreams of me my love, and I will see you soon."
"I'll call you before I get there," she said breathlessly, and I sighed.
"Until then."
"Nite Eric," she said, and hung up.