Grasping at Impossible
Chapter 9:

As we pulled up to the rundown building Sookie paid the man and exited the cab, me trailing behind her, carrying her bag of supplies. I really didn't understand why she wanted to visit the local farmers market, but she told me she had her reasons. Seeing that this building was about to come apart, I could tell she bought these things for whoever lived on the other side. It made me wonder if she know who lived there. I had thought she was on assignment, not making regular house calls to her old acquaintances. She rang the small bell at the entrance and reached out, taking my hand in hers.
"Eric, just remember, this is a different place than what you have been accustomed to," she whispered as I heard the locks on the other side clicking open. She wouldn't come out and tell me what we were doing here, so I knew it was something important. Even just from the way she was acting. The door swung open, and a man in his late thirties stepped out. When he saw Sookie he pulled her into a hug, tightly pressing his body to hers. He looked relieved, though I didn't understand why. He kept whispering to her in another language and she was speaking back to him just as softly. I was starting to feel out of place. Who the hell was this man that she was holding so close? Why did he get to touch her body? I was about to grab her to my side when I noticed the small gold wedding band on his finger. That was the only thing that stopped me.
She pulled back from his embrace and wiped a few of the tears from her cheeks that had fallen. "Eric, this is Pablo. He is one of the guardians of this orphanage," she said, and I held my hand out to him. He took it in both hands, no doubt thanking me for coming as well. I couldn't understand him, but he seemed like a nice fellow so far.
We walked into the building area as he gestured for us to follow him. Walking down a long hallway, we came upon the center of the building that was actually a playground full of children playing. Some of them were not taken care of, and I could tell they must have been new to the place. Some of the children came running over when they saw us, hugging Sookie's legs and shedding tears from the sight of her.
"Eric, the bag," she said, and I remembered what I was holding. I opened her belongings and pulled out the plastic bag that was full with over 30 apples. Now I knew why she bought them, it was for the kids. At the sight of the fruit they ran over to me and I handed them each one at a time, receiving a kiss on my cheek from each child as I did. I could hear the click of a camera a few times and knew Sookie was taking pictures as I did this. My heart filled with something I hadn't felt in so long. I never knew that simply giving these children something that was common to us and ready for use everyday was something they were deprived of. I made a mental note to be more grateful for the things I had in the future.
Sookie took my hand in hers after the children were all eating their apples and asked the man something. He nodded his head and we followed him down another hallway and to a door that he knocked on. I could feel Sookie still next to me, and knew something on the other side wasn't going to be pleasant. He opened the door after we heard a faint answer, and I saw that there was a woman lying in bed. The covers and blankets were piled up on her, and I wondered why she was so cold. It was over 90 degrees outside, and there was no air conditioning in here, except a small fan overhead fan turning slowly. Sookie let go of my hand and walked over to her bedside, placing her camera on the wooden nightstand beside her. She reached out and hugged the woman close. She looked like she was in pain, so she must be sick--really sick. Her copper tone skin was paled in comparison to her mate, who was now sitting next to her on the bed, his hand resting on hers. Sookie pulled back, and her face was wet with the tears she was shedding. I was concerned, not only because she was crying, but because she was going through so much. This woman had a special place in her heart, and she was dying; that was clear. Not only was Sookie dealing with the grief of her soon to pass Grandmother, but also a close friend as well.
I stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, letting her know I was there if she needed me. She placed hers over mine and gave me a gentle squeeze, letting me know she understood. I met the woman's eyes, and she smiled softly.
"Sookie, I didn't think you would bring a friend with you," she said hoarsely, a teasing glint in her eyes.
"Thalia, this is Eric," she said to her, and then turned to me. Her eyes glazed over with the tears she was trying to keep in. "Eric, this is Thalia. She is the one that has been running this orphanage for over twenty-five years.
I reached out and touched her hand and she squeezed my hand in return. "It's nice to meet you ma'am," I told her and she smiled, then coughed, and abruptly sat up. Pablo was getting worried about her, and Sookie patted her back, trying to help her along. She removed the cloth from her mouth, and it was spotted with blood. She didn't have much longer of a life in her human body from the looks of it.
"Sorry," she said weakly, and Sookie shushed her.
"Stop that," she chided gently. "Lay back and rest."
Thalia smiled to her and kissed her hand. Sookie asked for her bag, and I handed it to her and watched as she took out a different camera, one that I guessed was better in darker spaces. She turned to Pablo and asked him something, and he immediately turned and opened the shutters to the windows, allowing more light inside. She stood and went to the corner of the room as we stood on the back wall, and worked her magic. She told Thalia certain things and she would twist her body differently, and she would continue her pictures. I marveled watching Sookie in her element, taking pictures with such ease. I didn't understand why she was taking pictures of this woman, but I knew it had something to do with the magazine she worked for. When she finished, she sat on the bed once again.
"I will miss you my friend," she whispered gently, and Thalia touched her cheek.
"As I will you," Thalia said, and right then, a child came running in asking Sookie something and she nodded. Pablo took her arm and she retreated with her camera, going wherever the child asked her to.
I turned to leave as well, but Thalia called out to me and I stopped in my tracks. "Come sit with me Eric. I will not bite," she said, and I smiled at her teasing. I walked over and sat at the edge of her bed, and she sighed.
"How long have you lived here?" I asked her after we sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the children outside playing in the yard.
"I moved here over thirty years ago in the 70's, after I had met Pablo in the Peace Corps. He was the one man that wanted the same as me, to help children that couldn't be helped. We came here after we found out there was no orphanage in the area and children weren't being cared for as they should. We came here to Rio de Jenerio, and we have made this our home for many years. We found this building and fixed it up. I loved older buildings so it was cheap and easy to afford for the ten years we paid on it," she said, telling me her life story. I didn't interrupt her. I was interested to find out why she chose this area, and the children here.
"You see, the children, they were the ones that were treated so bad, the chances of finding them a home that could take care of their needs is slim to none. We had a few that would leave, but then would be returned to us within a month's time. Some cannot handle dealing with a child that needs extra attention. They are all very smart and well behaved, but it is hard for them to show love to someone that they do not trust. After all, their parents let them down first, and they should have loved and taken care of them to begin with," she said passionately, and it seemed she forgot I was even there, until she took a deep breath and her eyes connected with mine. "Eric, I am happy you are here. Sookie needs someone she can count on. She has been let down in her short life, and I fear for her, more than she knows."
"Sookie is a strong girl," I countered.
"She is, but even the strong will fall at times."
I took that in. She was strong, but I didn't expect her to ever lose herself. I guess it is true, that the mighty can fall even when you think they cannot.
"I can't see Sookie doing that," I answered honestly. She shook her head.
"Of course you cannot young man. She isn't like others, she is very...strong willed. But of course, she does have a heart, and while she guards it without letting anyone in, she can easily be broken. Do you understand what I am telling you?" she asked, and while she must have said that as a way to mean 'treat Sookie good' I doubted it was what I thought.
"Care to tell me in case?" I said, and she didn't smile. I guess this was a serious note she was going to make.
"If you love her, then don't hold back. But if you don't, never string her along. She isn't one that recovers as easily as others do," she said, laying her head back on the pillows and sighed. "Not everyone is able to let things fall off their shoulders, remember that." What the hell was with this lady and her not coming out and saying what was on her mind? I would have preferred her to just say what she was thinking, but of course I wasn't going to get it. Just as I was about to ask her to clarify whatever she it was she said, Sookie came back into the room and I noticed Thalia had fallen asleep quickly. She placed her camera back in her bag, after reattaching the lens cap and making sure it was safe from getting jostled around. She walked up to Pablo and told him something and he nodded, squeezing her hand while tears fell down his cheeks.
I took her hand, and after saying goodbye to the children, we climbed back into the cab that was waiting for us, and Sookie gave him directions. The only thing I could pick up was it was some sort of cafe.
"Where are we going?" I asked her, and she looked up at me with sad eyes.
"I thought you would be hungry, so I wanted to take you somewhere to eat," she said quietly. I could tell she was in deep thought, and she wasn't in the mood to talk. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulled her close to me, and kissed her hair. When we arrived at the place I noticed it was a nice cafe, and from the looks of it, was very homely. It was decorated, but not so much that you felt as though you stood out in a bad way. We walked in and sat at one of the nearby booths and she ordered us both a drink, and from the name of it it sounded girly.
"What?" she asked looking at me, amused.
"That doesn't sound like something I would drink," I told her, and she started to giggle.
"Well, Northman you will be surprised. It is actually a top seller here, so you will like it, I promise," she said, and I reached over, holding her hand in mine. She didn't pull back, and looked like she enjoyed my touch. I was going to use that to my advantage as long as I could.
"And if I don't?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
She shook her head and leaned closer to me. "Then you will get something for your efforts," she teased, and I felt my dick harden. Shit, she was doing it again. I could feel my body expressing itself before I could get the chance to reply. She ordered two pita sandwiches, and they were very good. When the drinks came and I tested it, I had to admit it was tasty. I have never tasted something that was not too sweet, but also spicy at the same time. It kind of reminded me of Sookie, and how I still hadn't gotten the chance to taste her properly. That would be changing soon if I had anything to say about it.
She paid the bill with her business card, and we walked back to the hotel since she said it was only a few blocks away. She had her arm linked through mine, leaning her warm body against me. I held her close to me and breathed in her scent, and she quickly changed her hold on me. Her arms encircled my waist and she pressed her breasts up against my chest, effectively stopping me from walking. She looked up at me with sad eyes, communicating with me that she needed to be held, and most of all, loved. I could make her feel loved, if she would let me. I was a very skilled lover, and I knew that one night with me would have her relaxed and sleeping peaceful. But for some reason I knew that wasn't what she wanted at the moment. She wanted to be reassured that all would be all right, and I now saw what Thalia was talking about. Sookie was a fragile woman, someone who was strong on the outside, but her soul; it was easily breakable.
I leaned down and captured her lips with mine, brushing them softly and very tenderly. She needed this connection. Her eyes were begging me for it, though I didn't know if I could give her what she wanted. I wasn't used to feeling this way for a woman; I had never tried. Her lips moved against mine for a moment until she pulled back and looked up at me with hungry eyes.
"Let's go," she said, and I complied. I wasn't going to make out with her in the street. There were some perverts no doubt standing around watching us, and that wasn't my style. We picked up our pace, and were back to the hotel and in the room within seconds. She grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed, pushing me back so I was sitting on the edge. Her hand came up and traced the outline of my eyebrows, and she leaned in, kissing my nose, then my cheeks. She moved to my jaw and I moved my head to kiss her lips. So soft and sweet, perfect texture against my own. I placed my hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer to me, gripping her hair in my hand. She moaned into my mouth as my tongue caressed hers.
With one swift move, I laid her on her back and lay half on top of her as my hand roamed over her natural bounty. She was blessed by the gods with her breasts. Though I still hadn't seen them in their bare state, I was still sure they had to be the most beautiful breasts I would ever lay eyes on. Her hands came up and tangled in my hair, pulling and tugging me closer to her as I thumbed her nipples through her shirt. I pulled my hand back and started inching my way up her shirt until I found the lace bra she had put on this morning. She moaned as I massaged and teased the soft flesh, and sighed into my mouth. She was driving me crazy, and I needed her now more than ever. I touched the waist of her jeans, and that was when her hand came up and stopped me. That didn't deter me; I only moved it back to the part she didn't find disagreeable for me to touch. After a moment she moved my hand from there also. I stopped kissing her neck and saw she was crying.
"Sookie?" I said huskily as I tried to get my breathing under control. "Did I do something..."
Sookie shook her head. "No, no Eric, it isn't you," she cried out, grabbing my hand and cupping her cheek with it. "I want you Eric. I really want you," hearing her say that made me harder. Shit, what was wrong then?
"What is it?" I asked her, rubbing my thumb over her cheek.
"It's everything..." she sighed, and more tears came. "I am losing my Gran, and Thalia. Oh Eric, I don't know what to do," she choked out, and I held her close to my chest while sitting us up on the bed.
"Shh," I said, trying to soothe her. "I am here for you, everything will work out."
She leaned back and looked me in the eyes. "You are not here for the long run, so what do you care?" she said, and I felt my heart ache at her words. I do care, that was the problem. Eric Northman doesn't get attached, yet here I was, wanting to be with her, wanting to help her though all this shit in her life.
"I am here, doesn't that count for anything? Let me make you feel better," I said to her, and she closed her eyes, trying to remove herself from my embrace. I wouldn't have it though, and held her tighter, kissing her forehead softly. If she would only let me, she would feel better in no time.
"Yes, but for how long?" she asked coldly. "Don't think I don't know about you Eric. I heard about you and your move-on-to-the-next-girl ways. Once you sleep with me, is that it?"
I felt like I was hit with a sledgehammer. I was like that, wasn't I? I was going to hurt her, no matter if what I felt now was something I was growing to like. I wanted her, but I was also afraid. I had to have control, and being with her wouldn't give that to me. She travels, so I have no way of knowing where or who she was with. It would never work.
"Sookie, I feel for you, I do. Its all new for me," I tried to explain, and she stood up and pointed a finger in my face.
"Its all new for you? Well welcome to the real world Eric, where people feel things for others and it's not all about sex. You know what, if you want to just have sex, I am not that kind of girl. I thought you could be different..."
"I am, because of you," I countered, and she snorted.
"Eric, you could care less. I see it in your eyes when you kiss me. You are so lost, and it feels like you are trying to find a way out. I can't do this anymore, I thought you could be the one, but I was wrong," she said, and I heard a sob break through her chest.
"Sookie, what are you talking about?" I asked her, taking a stand in front of her. She shook her head and shoved me away when I tried to pull her to me.
"Don't Eric. This isn't going to work out. I'm sorry, but I think you should go back to Shreveport in the morning. I still have a few days left to be here," she said, and I felt anger rise through my body.
"Why am I being sent away?" I asked her incredulously.
"You know why. I need someone who is here for me, not what they can get out of it because I am vulnerable," she said, closing her eyes and moving her head side to side. "Pam was right," was all she said, mainly to herself.
I made a move to take a step closer, and she held up her hand. "I am going to take a bath," she said, and walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.
Where the hell did I go wrong?