Grasping At Impossible
Chapter 16:

"What the hell is going on?" I heard Sookie yell from the doorway. I wondered briefly if she heard what I had just said. It wasn't an ideal way for her to find out I was in love with her, but considering the circumstances, I would say it might work to my benefit.
Sookie took another step into the office, and I remembered the girl on my lap. Placing my hands on her hips, I helped her off of me. She bounced and almost fell onto my chest. I risked a glace at Sookie, who's eyes were no longer about to shed tears, but were boring into the spot my hands were on Cara's body. I held my hands up, watching as Cara got up giggling, and zipped her dress up quickly. She came over to me and kissed my cheek while Sookie stood in the middle of the office with her arms crossed over her chest. I wondered if I would be getting out of there alive.
"I hope your girlfriend makes you happy Eric," she whispered, nodding to Sookie as she walked out the door past Bill. He staring at Sookie as she stood before me.
"Shut the door Bill," I said, not turning my eyes to her just yet. I had to figure out my game plan before I said anything. What was there to say? I let things get out of control. She could hate me, and even leave me for this. I wouldn't blame her if she did. If I had walked in on her sitting on a naked mans lap, I would have gotten upset as well. But surely she would listen to me, let me explain.
My eyes connected with hers, and I could see the fire burning in them. "Sookie, I-" was all I got out, before she crossed the room in lightning speed, and connected her hand with my cheek.
"No, Eric Northman, you don't get a chance to speak," she snapped. "For once you will listen to me!" I nodded, bracing myself for her comments. Whatever she had to get out, I would listen to. "I don't know what to think about you anymore," she said as she started pacing the room. "One minute I am head over heels for you, the next I hate you." She came up to me and poked her finger in my chest, something I hated. She knew it, but I didn't stop her. "You," she said digging her finger in more, "you are so much trouble. Sometimes I wish I never met you."
I closed my eyes, telling myself that she was only telling me this because of what she had just seen, and that she obviously didn't hear what I said. I loved her, and she needed to know it. "Sookie, I-" I tried again, and she growled at me.
"Don't Eric. You don't have to explain yourself, or your actions," she said, finally defeated. She sunk down on the couch and I turned my body towards her. She had her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. I hated that she was hurting from what she saw, but she had to know I didn't do anything.
"Sookie, I didn't do anything," I whispered, and heard a sob escape her lips. I scooted closer to her, placing an arm around her shoulder, which she tried to shrug off.
"It doesn't matter anymore Eric." Without another glance at me she was out the door, walking out of my life. I couldn't let her go, not after all I realized. I came up behind her, grabbing her arm, forcing her to look at me.
"Don't go, Sookie. I want to talk to you," I said, as she jerked her arm free of my grip. I understood why she was acting like this, but it still hurt that she didn't want to listen to me.
"Just leave me alone," she said, her eyes shedding the tears that I had caused. It was starting to form an ache in my chest as I watched her beautiful face become red and puffy from crying.
"I can't Sookie, please," I pleaded with her. "Let me talk to you." She seemed to think it over before giving me a small nod.
"Not here," was all she said as she walked towards the front door. Bill came over to my side and handed me my jacket from my office. I followed after her as fast as I could. She was standing by my Impala, looking more defeated by the second.
I opened the car door, and she got in. Walking around the car, I had to give myself a pep talk, trying to convince myself that I wouldn't lose her. I couldn't. And the fact that it could happen… it scared me, especially now that I knew what she was to me. I started the car and stole a glace at her. She was looking out the window, not paying any attention to me. She had stopped crying, and I was happy for that. A crying Sookie was not something I enjoyed seeing.
We pulled up to my house, and she didn't make a move to get out of the car. Neither did I for that matter. Whatever she wanted, however she wanted to talk, I was going for it. I couldn't let my pride get in the way with her, not anymore. I once thought the great Eric Northman had no weaknesses, nothing could make him second-guess himself. Strange how much that changed in the course of a few weeks.
We sat there for, minutes, hours, days? It all felt the same when Sookie wasn't in my arms, smiling. Her pain was what I felt ten times over. Especially since I was the cause of it.
"I trusted you," was what she said first. She was going off this. I remembered what I promised her, that I wouldn't touch or be with another woman as long as we were dating. It was ridiculous that I did, but alas, I wanted her. Now my connection to her was so much more than what I thought it could turn into.
"I know," was all I could say. How could I tell her that I had a moment of weakness, one that I should have known better for, but because of it, I was grateful. It was going to be hard to get that through her head. "I discovered something though," I added, hoping she took the bait.
She sighed, opening the car door, and I had no other option but to follow suit. She walked up to the front door, and I unlocked it, watching as she went inside and back into the guest bathroom. I guessed Sookie wanted to get cleaned up, and blow her nose. She was looking a little unkempt from all the crying.
Sookie came out of the bathroom a few minutes later looking a little better, but her face was still puffy. She sat next to me, and leaned back on the couch. I could tell she was tired still from all the events that had happened in her life for the past week. Losing her Gran, her friend, and now she must think she lost me.
Silence stretched on between us, and I could tell she wasn't going to talk. I sighed, running a hand through my hair, as I did when I was nervous, and took the plunge. "Sookie, please talk to me."
"What do you want me to say?" she asked, her eyes connecting to mine with fire behind them. "You made your choice Eric."
"What choice?"
"You chose to touch that ho on your lap."
I was growing angry at her tone, though I had no right to. She was the one that was hurt by me, not the other way around. "I didn't do anything with her, Sookie. Why won't you believe me?"
"How am I supposed to?" she said, her eyes brimming with tears again. She started playing with her fingers, her eyes on her hands. "You are all about the ladies. I knew this when I agreed to start this with you, but I didn't know you would revert back to what you were before."
"In my defense," I said, letting my anger get the better of me, "you can't keep telling a man no after you get him so worked up." I knew it was uncalled for, seeing I had no regrets over her touching me then leaving me with blue-balls, but seriously, you have to throw a guy a fucking bone sometimes. Her eyes shot up to mine, and her tears dried up.
"Don't you start that, Eric. You yourself said you wanted what was happening between us. You told me that I was the only one, but you are nothing but a liar."
I wanted to kick her out of my house, but the small voice hiding somewhere in my brain told me that she was right. I was the one that did this, I was the one that wanted it. I encouraged any form of touching or kissing that I could with Sookie. Anything I would take, since she had yet to give me what I truly wanted.
"I am sorry Sookie," I said, after my anger abated. "But in a way I am thankful it happened." I wanted to find a way to tell her I loved her. Now that I knew I had to share it with her.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course you do, you're a man."
I ignored her jab at me. "Do you not want to know what it was?"
She didn't of course, and decided to ignore me and my attempts to take her mind off what happened. "It doesn't matter anymore," she said, her lower lip quivering.
"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling her body tense beside me.
"It's over Eric. My Gran is dead, and I have to get back to work," she said, her voice breaking. "I knew this," she waved a hand between us, "wouldn't last, so it's fine."
I was off the couch and on my knees in front of her in a flash. My body wedged between her legs, and my hands griping hers tightly.
"Sookie, you don't mean that," I pleaded with her, but I could see the determination in her eyes.
"What did you think would happen? I would stay here with you?" she said, tears forming in her eyes. I never felt my heart break more than in that moment. I hated making her feel that way, being the cause of pain and grief in her life. She had dealt with so much lately that I wanted to shield her from anymore upset that could come in her life.
"I thought we could be together, Sookie." I cupped her face with my hands. "I need you in my life."
She cried again, and I pulled her into my arms, relieved that she hugged me back. "I can't take it if you cheat on me Eric," she said, her voice muffled in my shirt. I pulled her back so I could see her face.
"I didn't do anything. I promise. I realized something...before you came in..." If she wasn't going to come out and ask me, I was going to have to make her see. Make her listen to me.
"What?" she asked. "That women like taking their clothes off for you?"
I laughed at that, kissing her hair. "You are so entertaining Sookie, but no," I replied, tilting her face up, her eyes connecting with mine. "I realized how much I need you, how much I-" I stopped talking, and actually gulped. I could feel the sweat starting to form on my face, being so nervous about actually saying this to someone.
"How much you what Eric?" she asked softly, looking up at me through her long eyelashes. I reached out and touched her cheek tenderly.
"How much...I love you," I said, and she gave me a smile.
"You love me?"
I leaned in closer, capturing her lips with mine, slowly and sweetly tasting the softness and delicious taste that was all Sookie. "Yes," I whispered, brushing my lips along her cheeks. Her eyelids fluttered against my cheek as I continued trailing kisses all over her face.
"Where do we go from here?" she asked breathlessly, her face now flushed from our kissing.
"I want to show you how much I care for you, if you will let me," I whispered against her jawline, and she moaned when my hands found her breast.
She pushed back from my touch a moment later, her face turning hard. Oh yeah, what happened earlier wouldn't exactly put her in the mood. As much as I wanted her, I knew she wasn't at all ready for it. I could prove to her that I was the man she needed, that I could be what she wanted.
"Eric, I-" she started to say, but I brushed my lips against hers, quickly, happy when she kissed me back for a few seconds, before I pulled back.
"I want you to trust me Sookie, do you trust me?" I asked in earnest. I wanted her to, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping she forgave me quickly over what had happened in the office at my club.
"I'm sorry Eric," she said, her bottom lip being clamped down between her teeth. She didn't want to say she didn't trust me, but I could feel it rippling off her. The tension between us was starting to come back.
"It's okay Sookie," I said, taking her into my arms, wanting to comfort her. If I had been stronger, and not have fucked up, we would be together right now, as we should have been at the beginning. "I have forever to gain your trust, my love."
She sighed and melted into my arms. After a few moments, I pulled back and went over to my dresser, pulling out a t-shirt of mine and a pair of boxers, remembering that she liked to wear them when she was here. Normally I would have refrained from handing her the boxers, looking at it as easy access but I wanted her to know that I was willing to wait for her, no matter what was going on in my pants. Before, it was all about getting her to yield to me, but now that I knew I loved her, it was all different. I found myself wanting her approval, wanting her to be the one to come to me and want me as much as I was needing her.
"Here you go love," I said, handing her the clothes and she gave me an appreciative smile. "Go ahead and get changed, and I'll be in the living room if you need me."
Her brow furrowed, confusion apparent on her face. "What do you mean living room? It's getting late Eric."
I reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned into my hand, and the comfort that she got from my touch made me smile. "I want you to have the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."
She cocked an eyebrow. "I still don't understand. Why are you sleeping on the couch?"
"I want you to have your space tonight. I know you are still upset with me, so I will take the couch, and you can have the bed."
Her face blushed over a delectable soft pink, and she shook her head. "I don't want you on the couch, I want you to hold me tonight."
"Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch."
She nodded. "I am sure. I'll be right back." She kissed my cheek, and closed the bathroom door behind her.
I sighed, unbuckling my pants and shirt, throwing them across the room by the hamper before walking over to my drawer and grabbing a pair of sweats. I pulled out a tank top too, and slipped it on. I had never slept with this much clothing on in my life, but I wanted her to know that this wasn't all about sex for me anymore. It was about her. About my feelings for her, how much she means to me.
I went over to the bed, turning my phone on silent before turning the covers down and crawling into bed. A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, her hair brushed, her body covered in my clothes. I was a lot bigger than her, and my shirt came down almost to her knees. She slipped into the bed, and faced away from me. After a few minutes she let out a sigh.
"Eric, hold me please," she whispered. Immediately I scooted closer to her, spooning her from behind. My hand rested on her hip, while the other went up, resting under her pillow. She seemed content with this. I could feel her breathing start to even out, but she wasn't sleeping.
"Sookie?"
"Yes?"
I kissed the spot behind her ear, enjoying the slight shiver that went through her body.
"I was telling the truth earlier. I do love you."
"I know."
I wanted to hear her say it back, more than anything. To know that the woman you love feels the same must have been something incredible, but she still hadn't said anything.
"Sookie?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
Her hand came up and rested on the one on her hip. Squeezing my hand three times, she said, "And neither am I."